Finding Asian men in Western countries

Dear Ms. Wai – Finding Asian Men in Western Countries

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Hi there,

I don’t live in China but have a general question. How does any non-Asian woman get an Asian man to acknowledge them? I read one of your latest posts and if I lived there of course it might be easier, but even people I meet here keep sentences to one or two words. This is say an on the street meeting, eyes meeting and I say “Hi” and they look scared or something… I am considered pretty although I am older, 56, look early to mid 40’s, frustrating at best…

– Looking for friends

Dear Looking,

I’ll admit that I was a bit hesitant to answer this question because I’m not sure of your motive to meet Asian males. I’m all for cross-cultural relationships, but I’m against fetishising Asian men (or women) just for the sake of them being Asian. I hate when people say, “I’m not racist, I just don’t prefer Asian men,” because that’s close minded. But I also don’t like people that say, “I’m only interested in Asian men,” because that seems a bit too “yellow-feverish” for me. You should date men of any race not because of their race but because of your interest in the person.

But, you raise a very valid question, and as a reader of this blog, and my column in particular, I can tell you are a smart, sophisticated reader who has only good intentions in mind. So let’s get to it!

Meeting Asians isn’t that simple as there are many different kinds of Asians and no one way to approach them. You don’t say which country you’re from, but if you’re from, say, America, or England, meeting an ABC or BBJ (American Born Chinese or British Born Japanese) would be the same way you would meet any American or British guy.

But I think you mean foreign Asians who are living and working in another country, right? Again, I don’t know which country you are in, but if it is America or England, then  meeting them on the street probably isn’t the best way. Right now the political climates in those countries makes minorities a bit wary of strangers on the street. To really have more of a chance to meet guys on the street you’ll need to go to where they are. I’m talking Chinatowns (either official or unofficial) or even just an Asian market. But again, this is very location specific and there are many pockets of this vast world where finding even a Chinese restaurant is difficult, much less a Chinatown.

Finding Asian men in Western countries for dating
Even if you don’t meet a nice guy at a restaurant, you still get to eat spring rolls so it’s a win-win.

So how about taking a language class of the country you like the most? Many community centers have weekend language classes for adults of all ages and levels, and oftentimes the teachers are young Asian men and women who are studying at the local universities. And I don’t just mean attend for a “hot for teacher” scenario, but so you can get involved in the Asian community as most schools have events, like dumpling parties or opera performances, where you are likely to meet others.

If you can’t physically go somewhere, you can also find them online. In every country you can use the apps I suggested in a previous column. Every time I go back to America the first thing I do is turn on all the apps to connect to the Chinese community in my parents’ very white-bread community. There will definitely be people in your area you can connect with. (Once, while at my mom’s house, I met a Chinese guy that had graduated from the university in China I was teaching at. Talk about coincidence!)

You can go out further too. There are also groups on Facebook and other places that connect Asian men with Western woman (though the chances of you living in the same country, much less the same town are pretty slim.)

Use apps to connect when face-to-face is too awkward.

But just like Western women in China, you’ll need to be outgoing and not expect the guy to come to you. I know many Chinese men who go abroad for a couple of years are told specifically to not date any local women because their parents expect them to go back and marry a Chinese girl. Also, they believe many of the myths and think a Western woman wouldn’t be interested in them in the first place. So you’ll need to do more than offer up a small smile to get them engaged in conversation. Be brave! And good luck.

Are you dating an Asian man in a Western country? Share your experience in our comments section!
Do you have a question for Ms. Wai about dating Chinese guys? Email her at

Ms Wai

One comment

  1. I suppose u can start with where you are. Some of the outgoing Chinese or Asians do post on dating sites.
    It also depends what types you are looking for. If you are going for the suburban, educated types, Chinatowns may not be the best location. Rather perhaps u should try activity clubs by Asian groups.

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