Dear Ms. Wai
This is my second letter to you. the first one was posted on your blog “Should i end it?” http://www.wwambam.com/
Here it goes , we broke up . We broke up few weeks ago . It was very painful for me, i cried almost every night. Days after we broke up i rote a very long letter to him saying sorry , thank you and goodbye , but he asked me if we can be friends. I dont know what to say that time so i didnt reply. I just replied after two days and i said “ok” , he thanked me and asked if im okay and i said yes.
After that conversation he always message me just like we were still a couple. I dont reply on his messages so i can move on little by little. He always call but i dont answer. I just answer his call last monday, we talked just like we were still a couple he said he wanted to go back here so we can hang out again. Im just going with the flow , tho i still have a strong feelings for him i just try not to show it to him.
I’m confused ms wai. He still loves me? He still have feelings for me? If yes then why did we broke up. I’m having a hard time.
Sorry to hear that. Sounds like a tough breakup. Honestly, no one can answer the questions you are asking. Does he still have feeling for you? I don’t know. I don’t know him and we can’t see into his inner heart. Does he miss you as much as you miss him? Again, I’m not sure and sounds like you aren’t sure either.
But what we do know is how you feel. How you are being hurt again and again. First, when you were together he kept trying to break up with you and said several times it would never work. Now, when you finally ended it and tried to give yourself some distance to get over it, he came back and continues to contact you which is causing you more pain. That’s unfair to you and your desires.
So now you need to make some decision for yourself. You need to decide when the pain is too great and the pleasure is too small. You need to decide how to react to his messages: either reply and feel this pain, or stop replying and feel another kind of pain. You need to decide if you want to overcome the distance and the problems and try to make it work.
I can tell you are confused about the whole thing right now and would like someone to come up with THE answer. The one thing to do that will solve this problem. And I wish I could tell you. But I’m afraid that relationships aren’t so simple, especially multicultural ones and even your best friend you see everyday can’t do this for you, much less an online advice columnist. It’s now up to you to decide what to do and act on it.
I’m sure your thinking you don’t know what you want, so it’s best to act others advice, but you are the only one that truly knows the answer to this problem. Somewhere deep down you do even if you don’t think it. Try writing a letter to yourself and ask yourself for advice and see what you come up. Or meditate and focus on your feelings and what they are telling you. It’s time for you to find your own answers from your own heart.
Do you have a question for Ms. Wai? Write to her at [email protected]
The world of Western women dating Chinese men can be fraught with confusion, misunderstandings and difficulties. But Ms. Wai has got you covered. If you have a question, or need some straight-up girl talk, Ms. Wai is here for you with a regular advice column. Please send any questions to [email protected]